I grew heaps and bounds. These two days has been slack and equally shocking. Did a little interaction and bonding here and there which brought me to the greater realisation of some truth.. and how innocent i was.. hahaa.
Next, a lesson of honesty to be learnt. When you get into trouble, don't try to cover it up. Your sins will still leak out very slowly and creepily without you even realising. And by the time you realise that your lies ain't going to cover your deeds, it may be too late to show that you didn't really mean it..
BUT. There's always a but. Lol. There are leeways in this world called compassion and forgiveness. You prepare yourself for the worst case scenario when the person will slam the door on you and the least u have to do is to open your purse, look at most of your notes fly away..
To your amazement, it didn't happen. The woman you imagined as a bitch did not scream at you. She gave you a really warm smile, said it's okay, small matter, you really don't have to do anything about it. COOL? I loved the ending.
How does it feel to have your girlfriends telling you that you have gained some weight? It really really does not feel good. Imagine, those friends that have been seeing you everyday says you're fat?! THen you have really gained a lot of weight. Cos one is not supposed to see much of a drastic change since they see you everyday..
Oh my god.. I'm desperate for a diet.............
But but but.. All the cheese and meat and carbo and brownies and cakes and burgers and....are so tempting.
The school is going to make us turn into fat asses with all the food they have been feeding us with these few days. Not that i'm complaining... =D. It's good that they provide us with food. But it's bad that i lack the self control to stop eating... damn.
Rules. There are thousand of rules in this world we have to adhere to. School, life, study, friends, love, home, anything. Humans are constantly bounded by rules. The presence of such regulations are seen to help us in our daily lives, for us to live in a systematic and orderly way.
You have to wear your uniform in a neat manner. You have to do your assignments by this particular date. You have to wash the dishes every night at home. You have to draw the line and take great caution to not step on anyone's tail in personal relations.
Many many have-tos. Yet, who knows which rules are right, which are not?
If rules are there to ensure things don't go out of hands, then why do i still see people's lives crash?
You know you are supposed to leave, but you cant bear to. You know you are just an invisible, but you just want to give yourself another oppprtunity to hurt your own self. You know clearly what the rules of life say, but your heart tells you otherwise. If you stick to the rules, you are bound to lose out. And you will see the person that matters so much to you walk away happily hand in hand with another person.
You know it. But what can you do? Rules are still rules. Deep inside your heart, you understand, if you step across this line, you will be seen as a nuisance and there goes the friendship.
You have not been a very rule-abiding person in school, but the school has never deem you as a student beyond redemption. You will still graduate from this school with grades decent enough to get into a college. In school, if you follow the rules close enough and finish your assignments on time, revise as you ought to, you will reap the results. However, life doesn not apply this way.
There are so much things you really hoped to make a difference in, but none that you have succeeded. You see your friend crying her heart out for she forgot all about the day that she totally looked forward to since a month ago.
You feel sorry for her. Yet what can you say? Through this grief, it's wrong to say she's deserves it. But it's also not right to say blatantly that thing's over, no point regretting. Then you follow the rules. for the rules say, in such a situation, you advise her on how she should salvage this problem. In the process, it's up to you whether you wish to listen to her cry a while more.
Have you tried helping anyone out? You try to say many nice things to let them feel a little more comforted and confident. You try to ensure that they are kept busy every single day so that they wouldn't start thinking about things.
What's the whole point of it all? At the end of the day, you still see the person stuck in there cos they simply refuse to budge. They are too overwhelmed in their pitiful little world that they forgot there was someone that really tried to help. For to them, that someone is not the special one. So they don't care.
They said millions of thanks to you for comforting them, and promised that they will be there to listen to you too. Yet, you cannot even get a reply from them when you are just finding someone for a casual chat. May i ask, if this certain someone does not care less to chat with you, how much will he or she care to listen to you cry?
In this world, rules and emotions have always been a conflicting issue. The book says you ought to do it this way, yet your emotions tell you that this is wrong. Then, all you can do is to accept. Accept that everything will turn out fine, just like how raindows are supposed to appear after rain.
If there's this thing that's making you unhappy, then basically, it's one that brings you harm to your life. Then you will shed some light on the current situation and realise that this thing may be better off as memories...
How does it feel to have someone that envies you?She envies you to the extent that she tries to mimic you.Whether she knows it or not, you two use the same tone when you gossips about the scandals of celebrities. You two have the same taste in certain things because YOU said it was nice. The simple bland things that YOU do feels so unique in her eyes.
Deep down, she knows she can't be you,due to limitations, but she's still trying. In those ways when she thinks she can. Perhaps she trying to retain a little of herself in the process.But hey, what's her?
Peer influencing is fine. However, when it crosses the line and somehow or rather she seems more anxious about things that happen to YOU than YOU are, then something's wrong.
When you get so so interested with this guy and you start whining to her about how good he is, she gets so elatedthat it feels like she's the one in love!When a guy is interested in you, she picks and chooses like she's the one in it. When things happen to YOU, she gets so worked up, sometimes even more than you do. When someone pisses YOU off, she gets so hostile to that person like she's the one in the shithole. Yes, you were very unhappy, but she seemed like she HATED that person to the core. Like she had this really huge grudge against this person.She ignored that person for you, she screamed at how atrocious the person is for you. Everytime that you were supposed to do, she did it twice as much.
Is this really because she's your best friend, she feels for you and she wants the best for you?
Hey.. Girl.. think of what i said in the train.. This entry is getting a little too emo..
But, seriously, it's the little actions in her that made me notice..the little glances.. the shifting of chairs and sitting positions...you're in it, i'm not. I'm just a objective-absolutely-no-personal-feelings bystander.
the whispers
Zijun
17.12.90
the whispered
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