as it falls.. <body>
Saturday, January 06, 2007


finally remembered my username. read my past entries and i realised that i was totally mean on one of the entries. but hey, i was stressed with o's. and stress often leads to irritation. and i remember that i was really frustated because i could not get any of the monsoons right. like it comes from where, pass by where and finally reach where.

life's been cool.. got into sa and had some real fun with my og and all. thinking back, on the first day when all was so unfamilar, strange faces all around and clinging on with fear to my friend next to me, guess i kind of got used to the new environment.

cried my lungs out last night and this morning.. and my eyes are bulging like crap. thanks to my mum..

i'm sorry. you hear that? so what if i said it a little too late? you are my mom, why can't you just accept the apology and just let go of things. why cant you accept that you were seriously unreasonable and over protective for sixteen years. i know you are my mom, i know you care. i'm sorry that i used these two words on you. but when i asked you to sit and talk, why must you say that you dont have the time. i'm not complaining about our financial stability or something, i understand that you have done a lot to provide us with this fabulous life, but why cant you just listen? i would rather trade all these materials goods for a second. a second where you can sit down and listen. disgesting what is in my mind, not screaming that there's not need to talk, it's too late for talks, i dont have time for talks. so you think your work is so much more important than your daughter? why must you insist on who's right and who's wrong. why when i am willing to throw my temper away, you dont even want to talk. why do you feel scolding is the only way to solve things? i do try to listen to you. it's not like you said. it's not like the only times i go to you are for money and going out. it's not. why must you erase all the good things of me and only remember the bad. why must you try to let me listen by scolding me. why cant you find a balance. why must you always say fine, you find me too protective, go, go as you wish, don't come back crying if you get hurt. why is it always the extremes? i'm trying very hard to mend our relationship, i'm even willing to not flare my temper. but why...

yes i'm not considerate. i should not ask for a talk at 10am in the morning. i should know you need to work. work work work. this is your stand aint it?



rantings.