as it falls.. <body>
Friday, June 01, 2007


could she have seen?
could she have understood?

that this girl actually did her best.
that this girl is sick and tired.

she's sick of pretending everything is okay.
she's tired of acting like nothing's wrong.

she feels like a dog,
a dog who wags its tail by her every single day.

she has no mind of her own,
she follows her everywhere like a servant would follow his master.

she doesn't dare to trouble her, doesn't know how to tell her anything.
even when she was so disappointed in her.

one day,
she took a green slip and left school at 9am.
she didn't know where she could go.
she didn't feel like going home.
she sat a bus, another bus and another bus.
she ended up in the area she lives.
she called her, asked what's she's doing.
her tone like nothing had happened, like her heart wasn't bleeding.
like she wasn't crying, like she hadn't sat bus rides for three hours.

this girl has friends. but she was special.
she really didn't want to lose this friend.
she tried every means she could.
she tried talks. but talks went nowhere.

she didn't know what went wrong.
things were improving but took a sudden turn for the worse.

she doesn't understand what had happened.
but she doesn't have the energy to change anything anymore.
she doesn't have the courage to face her hostility anymore.
she doesn't have the insanity to blind herself from all the incidents anymore.

what happened? she wants to ask.

then.. she thinks. for what?
for the four year friendship that had already went down the drain.
or is it for the mistake which she had already done everything to say sorry.

this girl used to say she has four best friends.
this girl used to be so happy that one best friend managed to get into the same class as her.
this girl used to think that it's such a nice thing to have a best friend in the same class.

but now she realised...
four has reduced to three.
when your friendship turn sour, you will be in a very pathetic state.

as everyone in the class has formed their cliques, as you and her are seen as a clique, as she is the more popular one, you don't know how to leave her and mix with other people.

if it's going nowhere, no matter how long she manages to drag, it is still going nowhere.
so why not stop this pain, even if it means this girl has to be alone in class.

then let this girl live a lifeless life.



rantings.